Another Late Night

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy: Alright, we'll okay that's weird.

[he snickers for just a little too long]

Jimmy: K. My next guest has a small bit part in the recently released S. Darko-- which was recently released, April 28th. Please welcome to the show Ryan Templeman.

[the band plays really loud to mask the fact that no one in the audience is clapping]

[Ryan and Jimmy shake hands. Jimmy leans in awkwardly thinking I may be a "hand shake hug". It is not. Ryan takes a seat on the couch.]

Jimmy: Welcome to the show.

Ryan: Thanks. This is a really nice couch.

Jimmy: That couch is from R.C. Willey-- as is all of our wonderful furniture here. R.C. Willey has the best couches, chairs, desks, pretty much anything and everything money can buy-- and I think Page Davis is hot! Am I right?

Ryan: About Page Davis or the furniture?

Jimmy: [he snickers] Wow. So I have here that you're from Canada, but I noticed that you said couch and not chesterfield. What's the deal?

Ryan: Oh yeah well if it is any consolation I wore my tuque to the studio.

Jimmy: I was going to say your hair looks kind of matted.

Ryan: Thanks. Maybe you could spare one of those half dozen hairstylist I saw back stage.

Jimmy: We'll see what we can do during a commercial break. Okay so let talk about the movie. S. Darko is a sequel to the quite successful independent film from a few years back, Donnie Darko--right? With Jake Gyllenhall before he went all "Brokeback". [He laughs almost uncontrollably] Okay, okay, okay-- So tell em about your character?

Ryan: Um well I play a character named Mike and he's a small town kid with no direction or aspirations. You know he's that pot head degenerate that spent 7 years on the same spot of the couch.

Jimmy: So we spend 2 hours watching you sit on a couch.

Ryan: Gosh I wish I had that kind of face time. No, but there is a scene where I am on a couch-- or rather chesterfield.

Jimmy: So do you have a clip for us?

Ryan: If I do, I've never seen it.

Jimmy: So I shouldn't have you set this up for us.

Ryan: Yeah-- you can just run it.

Jimmy: Okay, let's run it.



Jimmy: Are you sure you're in this movie? I didn't see you.

Ryan: I didn't see me either. Maybe I'm not in it. I guess it is wholly possible I was completely cut out.

Jimmy: What are you doing on my show? You're a nobody.

Ryan: I know but it's not like I crashed your set here or anything, I got an invite and my name is on that door back there; granted it is written on piece of paper and stuck there with some Ticky Tac-- but it's there. You know this whole time I've been sitting here I'm thinking "Wow these guys are really desperate for interviews".

Jimmy: We are not desperate for interviews. We've got stars-- real stars lining up to get on this show. Ray Liotta was on here the other night.

Ryan: Oh I really liked him in Narc.

Jimmy: This is ridiculous. Nobody go and see this movie!

Ryan: That's not cool man. The soundtrack is supposed to be killer.

Jimmy: If you even see this movie in a Blockbuster or whatever turn it around or hide it behind a copy of Love Guru.

Ryan: Do you have something against Canadians?

Jimmy: Are you going to leave or do I have to call security.

Ryan: No I'll leave of my own volition but for the record I would have rather been on Conan, Leno, probably even Letterman cause well... your show of sucks.

Jimmy: Screw you. Security!

[Security rushes out and grabs Ryan by the arms and escorts him off stage]

Ryan: [screaming from behind the curtain] Avenge me Tina Fey! Avenge me!



_____________________________________________________________________________


Wasn't that fun?!
For the record none of that ever happened.
However I am in S. Darko (despite the trailer) which was released late last month.
I don't know if it's any good 'cause I haven't seen it-- so I'd feel weird about endorsing it, but if you want to see me in a movie, you could try that one. Good Luck!

2008 Acheivement Awards

I'm a big fan of fabricating arbitrary awards that are otherwise meaningless, I guess I'm like Oprah in that way.
Here we go.

Best Movie Award
Nominees Included:
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
In Bruges
Lars and the Real Girl

The 2008 Winner of the "Best Movie" Award goes to...

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

I generally try to avoid terrible movies when at all possible. My in-laws, however have a strange fasination for them, so every once in a while I will test my mental dexterity by watching one.

The "Worst Movie" Award goes to... EAGLE EYE.

The "Movie Killer" Award
Nominees Included:
M. Night Shyamalan
Mike Myers
Shia LaBeouf

The "Movie Killer" Award goes to...

BRENDAN FRASER

Congratulations on two giant flops in 2008.


Favorite TV Series Award
Nominees Included:
Dexter
House
The Office

The 2008 Winner of the "Favorite TV Series" Award goes to...

Thank you Tina Fey for making at least one of the Baldwin's relevant again.

There is a fair amount of children television being watched in our household giving that we have a 3 year old. As you would expect, most of them are painful for adults with one exception.

The 2008 Winner of the "Favorite Kids Show" Award goes to...

YO GABBA GABBA

Soundtrack of 2008 Award
Nominees Included:
The Cure
Glen Phillips
Kate Bush
Neil Young

The Winner of "Soundtrack of 2008" Award goes to...

MORRISSEY

The 2008 "Repeat Album" Award goes to...

RADIOHEAD'S IN RAINBOWS

The 2008 "Musical Discovery" Award goes to...

RAY LAMONTAGNE

(Andrea is credited with this find)

Personal Photography Award
The 2008 Winner of the "Personal Photography" Award goes to...

REDRUM TUBBY

The 2008 Winner of the "Best Photo Compilation" Award goes to...

THE MANY FACES OF JEFFERSON TEMPLEMAN

Envy Awards
Female Envy Award Nominee Included:
Amy Ryan
Misty May-Treanor
Stevie Nicks

The 2008 Winner of the "Female Envy" Award goes to...

TINA FEY

The Sarah Palin thing just fell into her lap, but as the creator/writer and self effacing star of television's best show 30 Rock-- she deserves all of our envy. She hovers around a 7 on the "Hot Scale", but can be done up to a 8 or 9 with minimal effort.

Male Envy Award Nominee Included:
Asafa Powell
Ben Foster
Michael Jackson-- (money, music, and dance moves ONLY)

The 2008 Winner of the "Male Envy" Award goes to...

DAVID BECKHAM

'nough said!

The Ultimate Jagweed Award
Nominees Included:
Bill Belichick
Michael Phelps
Sean Hannity

The 2008 Winner of the "Ultimate Jagweed" Award goes to...

KIM JONG IL

Yes I realize Michael Phelps is petty in comparison to World War III, that why he didn't win... turns out he can't win everything. Belichick leaned that the hard way. Booyah!


Best Blog Post Award
Nominees Included:
Ma'Goon-- by Its the Life
The Story of Sally-- by My Friend Sally
There Will Be Blood DVD: The 3rd Revelation Edition-- Vox Espavesco, Vox Dei

The 2008 Winner of the "Best Blog Post" Award goes to... Lost-- by The Jolly Porter.

Good Times.