Monday, February 22, 2010

Take That

I have a great idea. This may be my best idea ever. By now I would hope you know my feelings about Facebook friends. Facebook is useful for a number of things, but I've found a significant weakness for which my great idea will help to bridge the gap.
It all really stems from the fact that you can 'like' something on a Facebook status, but there is no option for 'dislike'. I'm a natural Hater. It takes significantly less effort for me to hate (or dislike) something or someone than it does for me to like them. I'm not necessarily hateful, really it is just an appendage of laziness. So a friend of mine (Jim Stevens) posted something to the effect of "How do you tell old friends, and family member you might not like them anymore?". To which I said, "punch them in the face", which I admit may be a bit overboard, but does adequately get the point across. Then I started thinking about 'friends' on Facebook I'd like to punch in the face (don't worry there weren't many)-- and that's when it came to me-- A Virtual Punch in the Face application. Wouldn't it be wonderful?!Here's how it would work. You select a friend you'd like to cause 'virtual' physical harm to-- and you select what you wanna do to them; punch, kick, slap, lick hand then slap, Indian burn (can I still say that?), whatever. Then you select where to target your assault: to the face, to the mouth, to the shin, to the ear, to the dangling thing in the back of the throat-- again plenty of options here. Now here is the best part the application would then allow you the option of deciding whether or not you want to drop them as a friend, or limit their visibility of your profile, or drop them and block them permanently-- essentially giving you all the tools one would need to deliver the final blow (both virtually and metaphorically) to any unwanted Facebook relationships. A message would appear on your recipient's wall (to maximize humiliation), something to the effect of, "You were just virtually punched in the mouth by Ryan-- I guess this mean he doesn't want to be friends with you anymore-- don't bother trying to re-add him to your 'friends list', cause you'll just get another one right to the kisser." I'm sure we can add a feature to customize the message.
Now I'm sure there is someone out there think 'why would you ever use this application', here's a few examples that I'm sure 90% of people can relate to.
- You're miffed at a 'friend' from high school for posting that embarrassing or compromising photo of you which you were assured had been destroyed. Maybe you wanna virtually punch them in the face and restrict their access to your account.
- You get fired from a place of employee and you happen to have a few fellow employees and member of management as 'friends' on your account that you're not particularly fond of. Maybe you wanna virtually headbutt them in the nose and drop them from your friend's list.
- You're in a relationship and it goes sour, irreparably sour. No doubt you're drop and blocking this person forever anyway, why not a virtual headbutt to the groin would help you communicate your parting wishes.
I am deadly serious about this. I have plenty of nerdy friends (who are already social outcasts... j/k Stephen) that are perfect adept at writing programs and we are going to do this and we're going to be so filthy stinkin' rich Paris Hilton will violently vomit into her Gucci attache case. Violence sells-- you'll see!
This is what Facebook has been missing. Think about it, what would you rather do- try and rehash a friendship from elementary school when both of you know you've nothing in common anymore or deliver once and for all a devastating virtual Judo Chop to the sciatic nerve of an old high school bully. Really need we debate this anymore?!


Rebecca said...

If there were a "like" button associated with this post, I would click it.

Supercords said...

I could certainly make use of this application, although I'd have to re-friend all the people I dropped in order to drop them anew, but this time, with a kick to the groin and/or stomach, for those lacking a groinal area.