40 is the new 30... and 50 is the new dead

I don't really follow any real celebrity personalities. I really just don't care about who their dating, or 'wearing', or if they like to play bongos in the buff-- (who doesn't really). However, the recent deaths of Michael Jackson and... believe it or not Billy Mays actually made me a little sad. Not tears or depression-- nothing that would cause me to travel to the Walk of Fame on a commemorative pilgrimage. Without disrespect, I compare it to washing your pants and realizing there was a twenty dollar bill in the pocket-- an "ah crap, I just ruined a twenty" moment. Not a huge deal, but you start thinking about what you could have done with that twenty and you're a little sad. That was me.

In honor of Michael Jackson's life (not death) I wore a sparkly glove from June 25 until the end of the month and listened to nothing but Michael Jackson (or Jackson 5) on my iPod. I think it was very difficult not to have an opinion on Michael Jackson-- mine was that he really was Peter Pan, a boy that never grow up. The death of an icon is an event. People can tell you where they were when they heard that other musical legends Elvis Presley and John Lennon had died. Jackson revolutionized the music (and dance) world and I for one will miss him.

The King is dead.

Now this one surprised me. Billy Mays. I watch the Discovery Channel show Pitchmen devotedly, not because I was a fan of any of the characters, but more so for the inventions and tools coming to market-- the journey grabbed my attention and I was hooked. It was only in a recent memorial tribute to Billy Mays where he was described as "a big burly, bear-of-a-man with a kind and soft heart" that I realize why his passing moreso than that of any other famous personality affected me. My father who shared those same qualities also passed at the age of 50 from severe heart failure.

They shared other common attributes as well.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE... oh wait, nevermind. Sadly that is all there was.

You'll be missed!

Summer Recap

I've been busy, thus I've not posted in awhile.

For a visual recap of my life over the past month or so click here.

A Shameless Plug for Anticitrade

So my last post was a little bit of a promo piece for a movie I was in, and just to show that I'm not an ego-maniacle, attention whore I will promote something that has nothing to do with me.

Awhile back a few friends of mine got involved in a small online based company called Anticitrade. I had been milling around the idea of investing in the stock market. It seemed to me that this is the right time to start. Either the market will go back up and I'll make some good money or it will continue to go down, currency will become meaningless, and we'll all beginning trading in ammunition and firearms. And really when I think about it-- playing in the stock market is like playing fantasy football, except you're not totally waiting your time.

So getting into the Stock Market is all fine and dandy, but where do you start. There are thousands upon thousands of publically traded companies. Do you just guess? Turns out most investors do-- they just guess. That seems crazy to me. No wonder most people can't tolerate the risks associated with the Stock Market. There is just no way to really "know" how the market will react. If only there was a way to minimize this risk, sift through the mounts of companies, and anticipate the market: Enter Anticitrade.

See a smart investor will wad through a number of stocks in a cetain sector or industry they believe will go up (i.e. Summer time is approaching, more people are driving, more gas & oil consumption; therefore those industry stock should go up.). They'll research a number of these companies, look at their quarterly reports, compare them, and only if these fundamentals are strong will they invest their money. Completing this kind of comprehensive ratio and financial analysis is both time consuming and beyond the capability of the average investor and certainly well beyond my capability. Anticitrade essentially does this work for you. Using publicly available information, Anticitrade does a full analysis of a stock; comprehensive research into a company's financial statements, competitive position, ratio analysis, and macroeconomic changes... and the cream rises to the top (in a simply easy to understand spreadsheet).

Now I'm not saying this should replace your own research, but it is certainly a great place to start. Think of it like looking for the most delicious apple in a bushel basket as opposed to on the ground of the orchard. Almost all those apple's in the basket are gonna taste pretty good (who knows what you're going to find on the ground), thus reducing your risk of getting worms.

I've been doing the beta testing for this site since March and I've been easily beating the market averages for the past 6 weeks. I'm making my money work me and I'm seeing great returns.

If you're interested check them out anticitrade.com.

I think this guy and the guy from the "Talking Politics" entry should be best friends.

What do you think?

Another Late Night

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy: Alright, we'll okay that's weird.

[he snickers for just a little too long]

Jimmy: K. My next guest has a small bit part in the recently released S. Darko-- which was recently released, April 28th. Please welcome to the show Ryan Templeman.

[the band plays really loud to mask the fact that no one in the audience is clapping]

[Ryan and Jimmy shake hands. Jimmy leans in awkwardly thinking I may be a "hand shake hug". It is not. Ryan takes a seat on the couch.]

Jimmy: Welcome to the show.

Ryan: Thanks. This is a really nice couch.

Jimmy: That couch is from R.C. Willey-- as is all of our wonderful furniture here. R.C. Willey has the best couches, chairs, desks, pretty much anything and everything money can buy-- and I think Page Davis is hot! Am I right?

Ryan: About Page Davis or the furniture?

Jimmy: [he snickers] Wow. So I have here that you're from Canada, but I noticed that you said couch and not chesterfield. What's the deal?

Ryan: Oh yeah well if it is any consolation I wore my tuque to the studio.

Jimmy: I was going to say your hair looks kind of matted.

Ryan: Thanks. Maybe you could spare one of those half dozen hairstylist I saw back stage.

Jimmy: We'll see what we can do during a commercial break. Okay so let talk about the movie. S. Darko is a sequel to the quite successful independent film from a few years back, Donnie Darko--right? With Jake Gyllenhall before he went all "Brokeback". [He laughs almost uncontrollably] Okay, okay, okay-- So tell em about your character?

Ryan: Um well I play a character named Mike and he's a small town kid with no direction or aspirations. You know he's that pot head degenerate that spent 7 years on the same spot of the couch.

Jimmy: So we spend 2 hours watching you sit on a couch.

Ryan: Gosh I wish I had that kind of face time. No, but there is a scene where I am on a couch-- or rather chesterfield.

Jimmy: So do you have a clip for us?

Ryan: If do go, I've never seen it.

Jimmy: So I shouldn't have you set this up for us.

Ryan: Yeah-- you can just run it.

Jimmy: Okay, let's run it.



Jimmy: Are you sure you're in this movie? I didn't see you.

Ryan: I didn't see me either. Maybe I'm not in it. I guess it is wholly possible I was completely cut out.

Jimmy: What are you doing on my show? You're a nobody.

Ryan: I know but it's not like I crashed your set here or anything, I got an invite and my name is on that door back there; granted it is written on piece of paper and stuck there with some Ticky Tac-- but it's there. You know this whole time I've been sitting here I'm thinking "Wow these guys are really desperate for interviews".

Jimmy: We are not desperate for interviews. We've got stars-- real stars lining up to get on this show. Ray Liotta was on here the other night.

Ryan: Oh I really liked him in Narc.

Jimmy: This is ridiculous. Nobody go and see this movie!

Ryan: That's not cool man. The soundtrack is supposed to be killer.

Jimmy: If you even see this movie in a Blockbuster or whatever turn it around or hide it behind a copy of Love Guru.

Ryan: Do you have something against Canadians?

Jimmy: Are you going to leave or do I have to call security.

Ryan: No I'll leave of my own volition but for the record I would have rather been on Conan, Leno, probably even Letterman cause well... your show of sucks.

Jimmy: Screw you. Security!

[Security rushes out and grabs Ryan by the arms and escorts him off stage]

Ryan: [screaming from behind the curtain] Avenge me Tina Fey! Avenge me!



_____________________________________________________________________________


Wasn't that fun?!
For the record none of that ever happened.
However I am in S. Darko (despite the trailer) which was released late last month.
I don't know if it's any good 'cause I haven't seen it-- so I'd feel weird about endorsing it, but if you want to see me in a movie, you could try that one. Good Luck!

Traditions of Our Fathers

In keeping with tradition...

Happy Cinco de Mustache from my family to yours!!

Pee, Poop, and Toot-- The Comedy Styllings of a 4 Year Old

Why is it that the mention of any bodily function and/or fluid so funny to a 4 year old? Just now using the words "bodily function and fluid" made me a little sick to my stomach. So why is it that the proper verbiage invokes queasiness and the more childish; Pee, Poop, and Toot create hours of laughter for those of us who are immature enough. I guess that's not really the point of this post-- but if you've got any ideas let me know.

Here are some of Jefferson's cleaner jokes. Enjoy!

Joke 1
J: How does a horse count to 10?

Me: I don't know. How?

J: With his fingers.


Joke 2
J: Knock Knock

Me: Who's there?

J: Doctor.

Me: Doctor Who?

J: Nope. It's Doctor House. (who happens to be Jefferson television nemesis)


Joke 3
J: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: I don't know. Why?

J: Maybe there was something over there he wanted.


Joke 4
J: How does a camel count to 25?

Me: How?

J: Sitting down.


Joke 5
J: Knock Knock

Me: Who's there?

J: Wolverine

Me: Wolverine who?

J: You know! Wolverine from X-Men.



Spontaneous Thought: If I ever decide to write a kid's show it will be called Professor Peepoop n ' Toot-- like Yo Gabba Gabba, but with Professor Peepoop n ' Toot instead of D.J. Lance and the little characters will be large plush representations of various bacterias, viruses, and chemicals Professor Peepoop n ' Toot has been experimenting with. One will undoubtedly be Methane. Hours of fun!

Happy Birthday to...

I think you would be surprised at how many wonderfully talented, quirky, and even some bizarre individuals that have a March 26th birthday. A quick google search revealed many composers, poets, and playwrights. It was quiet fascinating. I'm actuality a little surprised I have never done this for my own birthday (Feb 21... don't worry, you missed it). But of all those famous writers, actors, and athletes who share a March 26th birth date, I want to wish a very Happy Birthday to my personal favorite-- Jefferson Templeman, who turned 4 today.
Jefferson is my son and one of my best freinds. He is so fun and playful and he makes me laugh all the time (sometimes out of embarasement). He is very smart, witty, and sociable-- and just as talented, quirky, and bizarre as any of the individuals on this list.
Jefferson, I am excited to see what you will do with yourself. Happy Birthday buddy! Love Dad


For your entertainment a few visual reasons why Jefferson happens to be my favorite March 26th birthday.

Martin Short is 59 today, while Jefferson poses as Dr.Octopus-- that's where my trend setting goggles went.

John Stockton, Utah Jazz legend is 48-- Jefferson sporting his Spongebob Square Pants team colors. (yeah-- that's one of those embarassing laughs)

For all you nerds (like you didn't know), Leonard Nimoy (aka Mr Spock) is 78 and holding a pet cat. Jefferson here showing off his pet Fido (an imaginary fly).

Big mouth rocker Steven Tyler from Aerosmith is 61. Jefferson making his own fashion statements.

Tennessee Williams/Jefferson Templeman-- no explanation needed.

The Sky is Fallin'

WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE A BIT OF A BUMMER FOR SOME!!

So I guess the End of the World is coming. The year 2012 from what I understand from various sources amongst my Facebook friends.

"2012 is marked by a Muslim mythical end of time 'Coming of Mehdi' - God will destroy morally bankrupt mankind and true Islam will rule. Nostradamus also predicted the end of the world around that time." -- Jyri Makela

"They Mayan Calendar also states the end of the world at 2012." -- Joel Petrie

"Check out the Colony Collapse Disorder epidemic. Bees are disappearing... Within four years of that, humanity will suffer and become extinct as well...interesting article to read! Everything seems to be leading to 2012!" -- Tawnie Bowers

While certainly none of these people (that I know of) are experts on the matter, I'm sure their sources can be verified by a simple google search. In doing so myself I was able to get an exact date Yule or Winter Solstice of 2012 which is Dec. 21st-- right before Christmas :(


So I have to say I'm pretty disappointed. I mean I had some big things planned for the next 5 to 50 years and now it turns I only have 3.66 years. I've got to be honest, I don't think I can manage to do all the things I want to do in that short amount of time.

Here is a brief look at some of the things I would like to do, but likely not get around to:

1. Eat a pie... after the age 35
2. Dodge the draft for War World III
3. Be the oldest heavy weight champion of the world
4. Get a seniors discount at the movies
5. Spearhead the largest escape from a senior care facility in US history
6. Grow Old & Die



So if the world is indeed ending on Dec 21, 2012-- should I do Christmas shopping that year "just in case"?


Really what I'm looking for is some reason not to believe the world will end in 2012. If you got any, let me know.

Important Infomation for ALL Bloggers

Let's talk for a minute about the Worldwide Web-- and more specifically the exit of "Blogger Sites" on this information highway. I certainly enjoy blogging-- it is therapeutic in a way. I even enjoy reading other people's blogs (sometimes). I would imagine anyone reading this could say they find themselves in the same boat. Now I'm going to tell you something, and it may apply to you and it may not, but... I HATE THE MUSIC ON YOUR BLOG. There I said it. It's not that you have bad taste in music (though many of you do). It just doesn't mesh with my music-- literally doesn't mesh. See when I'm on my computer my iTunes is open and playing, and when I visit your blog you blast me with your Michael Bubble and what not-- and while you may feel that everyone should enjoy Mr. Bubble's music the fact is they don't especially when he tries to drown out the music they (your blogs readers) like to listen to. To help you understand what I'm talking about I've just created a little allegory. I call it the allegory of The Fearful Flea Marketeer. (I'm just making this up as I go, so bear with me).

At a flea market, the Marketeer walks the path between the booths, each displaying their own unique assortment of goods. The Marketeer is not on a quest for anything particular, simply browsing the vast selection of items at the market. Upon entering one vendors booth a yappy little dog darts out from under on of the tables and begins to bite the Marketeer. A swift kick later, the Marketeer is looking over the contents of the booth. A few booth later, the Marketeer enters a booth filled with old books only to be quickly overwhelmed by the smell of old lady perfume. The smell certainly unpleasant, doesn't detour the Marketeer from perusing the books. A few hours later, the Marketeer enters a booth filled with beautiful paintings. Upon enter the booth a pair of proselyting Jehovah's Witnesses begin spoutting their ideology for the Marketeer. The Marketeer promptly exits the booth. At the conclusion of the day the Marketeer dies and goes to the great big market in the sky, where he finds no dogs, overwhelming odors, or Jehovah's Witnesses*. The end.

I don't know-- Did that work?


*I, by no means, intent to imply that Jehovah's Witness will not be present at the great big market in the sky or any other similar post-earthy realm of existence. I'm sure there will be at least 144,000 of them there. :)

The Lawnmower Man

And the Winner is...

I'm a fan of the Academy Awards, really for no other reason than I follow movies. I don't know that I necessarily agree with 'The Academy' on what or who is nominated at times, but I certainly agree that good film-making needs to be recognized. I suppose if I followed more closely the music industry the Grammy's would be worth watching (maybe). Unlike a song or an album, the adjudication of a film just seems to fit better.


I have mixed feeling about this year. For some reason I feeling like 2008 was a disappointment in some ways in comparison to the last two years. I don't believe there is a movie (at least that I've seen) that approachs the caliber of either of the best picture winner The Departed or No Country for Old Men-- and yet that kind of exciting because it's all up in the air.


Here are my predictions for some of the catagories:



Best Picture
Will Win: Slumdog Millionaire
Should win: probably Benjamin Button, but I'm fine with a Slumdog victory.


Best Director
Will Win: David Fincher (Benjamin Button)
Should Win: David Fincher (Benjamin Button)-- I won't be surprised by Slumdog's Danny Boyle here either.



Best Actor
Will Win: Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Should Win: Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)-- Mickey Rourke's character in The Wrestler was more real than any other charcter I've seen in years.


Best Actress
Will Win: Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Should Win: Meryl Streep (Doubt)-- She can't win enough in my opinion. Winslet probably should have been nominated for Revolutionary Road as well so...



Best Supporting Actor
Will Win: Heath Ledger (Batman Returns)
Should Win: Heath Ledger (Batman Returns)-- 90% Preformance, 10% Sympathy, still very deserving.



Best Supporting Actress
Will Win: Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona)
Should Win: Amy Adams (Doubt)-- What a year she has had. She'll get hers eventually.



Best Art Direction
Will Win: Benjamin Button
Should Win: Benjamin Button



Best Cinematography
Will Win: Slumdog Millionaire
Should Win: Benjamin Button



Best Animated Feature
Will Win: WALL-E
Should Win: WALL-E




So there you have it.

Late Night

I'm a pretty vivid dreamer. Not sure whether this was a conscientious or subconsciencious dream happening somewhere between falling asleep and being asleep. I don't want to make a habit of blogging about my dreams... that's just lame, but I feel I have to with this one.


I was on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Conan: Our first guest tonight is the star of an upcoming movie. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Ryan Templeman.

I enter as the crowd claps politely.

Conan: Welcome to the show.

Ryan: Thanks for having me. How's the new late night treating you?

Conan: I thought I would ask the questions, but okay... this show sucks. It is slowly eating me alive. And I cry myself to sleep every night... on a bed full of money. [Evil Laugh that turns to a cry and then a sigh]. So I've been looking forward to chatting with you ever since I found out you were coming on the show... fifteen minutes ago. So apparently you're psychic?

Ryan: I suppose a little bit, though I've yet to figure out how to use my power for evil.

Conan: No really, a couple years ago you wrote a blog about this very encounter.

Ryan: It's not nearly as interesting as it sounds. Just goofing around I wrote about being on your show.

Conan: How long ago?

Ryan: It was awhile ago. Maybe...

Conan: Wait. I feel like we need some creepy music. Can I get some creepy music?

the music from 'In the Year 2000' begins to play.

Conan: Excellent. Please continue.

Ryan: So I wrote a dialog between myself and you and posted it on my blog.

Conan: I actually have a copy of that dialog you wrote here. Do you mind if I read it?

I smile, try to look hesitant, and quickly oblige the cheering audience.
Conan reads the dialog [that you're reading now] aloud.

Conan: Wow. That's fascinating stuff. And you know what else is fascinating? The new movie your in. See how I did that transition. I'm a legend. That's why I get paid the 'beaucoup' bucks. [Evil Laugh that turns to a cry and then a sigh]. Alright so I understand we have a clip from your new movie. You wanna set it up for us.

Ryan: No thanks.

Conan laughs.

Ryan: It's self-explanatory.

Conan: Alright let's run the clip.

A clip of some movie plays.

Conan: And there you have it. Ryan thanks for being on the show.

Ryan: Thank you.

Conan: Go see this movie. We'll be right back with Parker Posey.

Ryan: I love Parker Posey. Mind if I stick around? I'll behave.

Conan: You have my permission, but just remember, She is mine!

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So there it is. Hopefully now you can see why I felt like I needed to blog this.