Shield Your Eyes!

Many people might not know this about me, but I am a "Trend Setter". I'm not exactly sure when this influential power was granted to me, but needless to say, I have it! Pin pointing the source of a particular trend is no easy task-- some claim it is nearly impossible. Now I'm not saying I am the source of every fad, that would be ludicrous-- I can honestly say I had nothing to do with Leg Warmers or Bomber Jackets. What I am saying however is that I've been at (or close to) the epicenter of a number of trends in the last 15 years or so.

In the early 1990's I began to swap in and out the laces on my Converse High tops to different colors-- depending on my mood or to match other wardrobe. Not long thereafter Doc Marten's became the shoe of choice in which to swap in and out your laces-- mood, other attire, or gang affiliation. I was and couldn't afford Doc Marten's but have always felt that I somehow started that trend. Now some will claim that it was the NBC's American sitcom character Punky Brewster that started the trend in 1984. While I don't deny that she likely played a part in the process-- if I'm not mistaken her shoelaces were different colors only because she was two different color shoes.

Since 1997 I've been wearing dress shirts with rolled sleeves. To that point the only sleeves being rolled were the lumberjack or cowboy's flannel shirts. At the time, you just didn't see it. It was like combining fire and ice-- mixing the rugged man's rolls with the formal white collar, it was in itself a contradiction of style and status but I was not fazed. See I've was the medical community refers to as "scrawny arms syndrome" and by rolling my sleeves I can deceive the eye-- like vertical stripes or wearing black. Regardless the trend has now taken off and is seen here being sported by almost the sexiest man alive.

In 2001 I found an old pair of Aviators (they're a style of sunglasses) in a storage unit, the kind not seen since Tom Cruise's Maverick in Top Gun more than a decade gone by. I began wearing them everyday and had them for nearly two years before they finally broke into a million pieces. I searched any and all stores trying to find an appropriate replacement-- to no avail. I finally settled on a non-Aviator pair; however no more than four months later the Aviator craze was on and turns out Mr. Brad Pitt was invited to the optical party.

Early in 2004 I was in an outlet mall in Vegas and found a belt-- no ordinary belt mind you. It had the most amazing belt buckle accompanying it. A simple steel oval with a rope-patterned border and a large cowboy hat protruding from the center. It was $7. How some Rodeo Superstar had not snatched this up, I will never know. Again I began wearing it everyday and soon thereafter the novelty of hip belt buckles moved from the ranches to mainstream. Coincidence?! I think not.

The reason I'm bringing all this up is because I'm at it again-- this time with goggles. See I've got sensitive eyes-- great for the ladies, not so nice when I'm out in the glaring sun, so I wear sunglasses pretty much all year round. The problem is when I'm indoors or don't need them on I've got nowhere to put them. Top of the head-- you lean back, they fall off, and get scratched. Hook em on your shirt or put 'em in your front pocket-- you lean over to pick something up, they fall out, and get scratched. Put them in a pant pocket-- you forget about them, sit down, and they get crushed. So you put them down somewhere "safe" and you forget about and they're lost forever. Big dilemma! I was replacing my sunglasses every couple months. So now I've finally decided to start wearing goggles instead. They're not swimming goggles-- I'm not sure what they were made for, although I found them in the paintball section it would seem you'd need a full mask to adequately protect your face. Regardless-- they completely eliminate the inconvenience of sunglasses.


(left) You can clearly see how these tinted goggle shield your eyes out enjoy the fresh air and sunshine.
(right) When you just need your hair out of your eyes the goggles double as a stylist headband.(right) Sunglasses falling off your face or out of your shirt pocket is a thing of the past with the goggle strap securing them in place.
(left) And for those time when you decide you don't want to wear eye protection-- the goggles drape conveniently around your neck.

I'm not necessarily trying to sell you on the idea of goggles over sunglasses. Frankly I don't really care either way. I'm just informing you that I am, as stated, a trend setter. Now not all of my adventurous fashion endevours have been successful. I am still human. Need proof? Some of my failed styles include:

• The casual, steppin' out on the town Bowling Shoe-- minimal traction, great for those difficult to perform Michael Jackson dance moves.
• Ratty, chaffing, wool coats the kind you'd see a homeless man curled up in sitting on the freezing cold steps of an inner-city YMCA.
• Overt, conversation-starting fake scars. Yes it's deciteful, but it's a great way to spice up your excitability especially if you're not really all that interesting.

Now I'm not going to guaranteeing that goggles will become part of mainstream fashion, but if they do, now you'll know where it came from.

The Anticipation is Killing Me

I've been told I'm a "movie snob"-- and that's absolutely not true. I just like good movies! I can enjoy any type of movie as long as it is done well and entertaining. The problem is there is so much crap out there. I often think (and sometimes I say it out loud) "who the hell would put money up for this film?". It kind of makes me hate rich people. But rich people are rich for a reason, right?!

In my mind there are only four reasons why someone would see a film like Beverly Hills Chihuahua:

1) You are a professional critic and you are forced to watch this film.
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there!

2) You or someone you know is in the film or worked on the film and you kind of feel like you have to watch it.
You don't have to! You can, but don't enjoy it out of obligation.

3) You absolutely love dogs, especially Chihuahuas-- and just to see them is all the enjoyment you need to be happy!
I just can not relate to you.

4) You think "it is just a silly movie" and you can just sit there and be entertained without having to think.
What?! That's ludicrous! You and people like you are the reason there are so many bad movies.

I have actually heard people say on numerous occasions, "I just want to be entertained, but I don't want to have to use my brain"-- wish granted, Norbit is now out on Blu-Ray. The real problem with this statement is that it is in itself a contradiction. Entertainment is defined as something that engages interest in an agreeable or desirable manner-- 'interest' means you are using your brain. But this idea of being entertained without thinking is simply a ploy used to get people to see un-entertaining movies.

Humans are very much like water, we go with the flow-- following the path of least resistance. The idea of "entertainment" with "no effort" is inherently appealing and so we are manipulated by it-- like a "weight loss" without diet & exercise. It sounds wonderful "something for nothing" and so you buy that movie ticket, or DVD, and support this imaginary concept allowing the 'rich' to make money off your naivete. And the worst part about it is, you want to believe you're being entertained so you convince yourself you enjoy their crappy movies.

So why would someone with money invest in a a film like Martin Lawrence's College Road Trip? The answer: To keep you poor! See they're getting rich off the people who want to believe it is possible to be entertained without having to use their intellect. By making these awful, mundane, and pointless movies they can ensure that no one will ever truly be inspired, enlightened, or moved to action by their films. That their audiences will look for opportunities to "not think", and therefore never do or create anything, thus ensuring they never become rich.

That was more of a rant than I really wanted it to be. Regardless the originally intent of this post was to mention that I'm actually excited about some upcoming movies that will be in theaters in the next couple weeks.

BURN AFTER READING

Quirky and intriguing characters showcased by some great actors.
The Cohen brother's rarely miss.


RIGHTEOUS KILL

I felt for a long time that a DeNiro/Pacino pairing in a crime drama was overdue, so I'm excited to see what the final product looks like.

NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST

I'm still a little wary of this one. I'm afraid it maybe just be attempt at Juno 2. It's an unfair judgement based solely on Michael Cera's presence in the film. We'll see!!

BLINDNESS

Not expecting too much here but an interesting enough premise.

If you've seen any of these by all means post a review.

Let's Talk about Me

Since I last posted about myself...

... my wife had a lipthotripsy procedure done for Kidney Stones.
... I went down to Lake Powell for a few days with some buddies.
... I began my 13th season as a Fantasy Football manager.
... we finished and furnished our basement.
... I was admittedly ill for the first time in a few years.

And while each of these events is certainly worthy of it's very own post I will only provide the "highlights"-- I should also mention that due to these events (and Labor Day) I have not worked a 5 day work week in nearly 6 weeks-- And let me tell you it is wonderful! I don't know that I'll ever go back! I thought I might "fall behind" in my work, but I haven't-- I'm still just as behind as I've always been.

My wife had a lipthotripsy procedure done for Kidney Stones
This is nearly an annual event-- the Kidney Stone, not necessarily the lipthotripsy. For those of you morons who don't know what lipthotripsy is, it's simply a non-invasive process for breaking up a kidney stone inside the patients body using highly focused impulse shock waves. I've been told the pain is the equivalent of being punched in the kidney about 40 times; of course that is coming from someone who can't take a punch. The best part is that once you're already in pain you get to pass the small fragmented stones. Sounds exciting? It's not-- not really.

I went down to Lake Powell for a few days with some buddies
This was supposed to be a camping trip and it was sort of except for the first night that we ended up staying in a hotel. Yeah I know that's soft, but for the record I was completely against it from the start-- I also slept on the lumpiest part of the floor and didn't take a shower in the morning. We rented a pair of Jet Skis and borrowed my uncle's folding boat. Yes a folding boat! Anyway here are some pictures!


There's the floating boat in all her glory-- carrying every ounce of our camping gear.
Me and my Elton John glasses on a jetski towing our boat to camp.

Camp ended up begin this red rock cave. We couldn't have ask for a better campsite a nice sand to sleep on and a place to park the boat and jetskis. Sat around the fire singing some Bob Marley-- the acoustics were wonderful.

Both Stephen and I caught fish-- by all means draw whatever phallic analogies you want from this photo.
And yes-- I cooked and ate it, Bear Grylls-style. Delish!

I began my 13th season as a Fantasy Football manager
Fantasy Football is really just Dungeons and Dragons for jocks! I'm not really a jock, I've got good coordination, but neither the frame nor mentality to officially be referred to as a "jock". It's comparable to a John Kerry snowboarding--

--not nearly as disastrous as it originally sounded. Anyway I've always watched professional football late 80's early 90's-- I liked the New York Jets and Joe Montana. Being from Toronto I didn't have a "home team" to cheer for and follow, so I just followed the entire league. Eventually a group of older peers started this thing called fantasy football and invited me and a friend of mine to play-- we were 15. The internet was not a prevelant commodity at the time and everything was done in person: drafting, trading, line-up changes, the whole bit. Then you'd buy a Monday morning paper for 25 cents and check your scores against your opponent. Then the internet consumed the world and Fantasy Football took off. Now everyone plays and it's fine-- maybe a little nerdy-- but I was nerdy before everyone else-- and that somehow makes me less nerdy.

We finished and furnished our basement
This was originally just going to be a play room for kids-- and it is still, kind of-- we just expanded of our original vision to include big kids, like myself. My wife posted some picture of her blog. Check it out! It is a "pretty sweet set up".

I was admittedly ill for the first time in a few years
I don't get sick! So for me to actually be ill is quite unusual. I get the occasional headache, but nothing a large Coca-Cola Classic can not fix. I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't get sick-- I haven't. I'm convinced that's why I had perfect attendance in 4th grade. Mind over matter. I also refuse to take perscription drugs, pain killers, etc. See I'm stockpiling natural anti-bodies, so that eventually I will become invincible to sicknesses like the flu, common cold, etc. There is no need to post a comment that I'm crazy-- I've been told. But after the global nuclear hallocaust we'll see who's laughing-- me and the cochroaches that's who!

(imagine that's "post-apocalyptic" me walking out of earth's barren wastelands)

Follow Up Post

A while back I made a post regarding my feelings towards ventiloquism. Anyway I felt this comment was worthy of rebutal in it's own topic. The following was sent in by Mean John Dean-- it's probably just John Dean and the "Mean" is a sort of a nickname-- and I'm not sure that it fits, to be honest I doubt he is all that mean. Anyway John writes:


Ventriloquism is an art form that is part of the art form of puppetry, as are hand puppets like the Muppets. Why would you differentiate between any of them in negative pros? All take a certain amount of talent, manipulation being the tie that binds them but ventriloquism requires the performer to make it appear, though manipulation, ventriloquism and misdirection that the figure stands alone while before the eyes of the audience. This by far the more difficult form, what people find creepy about ventriloquist figures, we don’t call them dummies, is the large eyes and wide mouths but these were necessary when it was performed on stage and has become a tradition. Many vents are now using soft figures that have a less shocking appearance. I guess what I am asking is that you don’t indulge in vent bashing without making an attempt to learn the amount of discipline and talent that is required to make such a performance. Then remember even if your technically proficient you either have to be funny or have some other talent to showcase as well.

Mean John Dean
President
Florida Ventriloquist Association



Thanks for the comment John. I'm not denying the talent involved in ventriloquism. It certainly is a talent-- I'm just saying that that talent is creepy. To me there is simply something unnatural about talking without moving your mouth. And while I know the reason for the large eyes and wide mouths on the "figures"-- it is still creepy. And because I don't like it-- I will speak negatively about it. And I would fully expect you as President of the Florida Ventriloquist Association to defend it. Which you did-- speaking up for those would can't speak for themselves-- Get it! That's a little ventriloquist joke for you, you're welcome to use it if you'd like. But as a friendly gesture to you I'll lovingly include a link on my sidebar to your blog , which I deem "one of the creepiest blogs I've seen", that way I can direct interested traffic to you so you may possible convince otherwise.

Cheers,