The Lawnmower Man

Late Night

I'm a pretty vivid dreamer. Not sure whether this was a conscientious or subconsciencious dream happening somewhere between falling asleep and being asleep. I don't want to make a habit of blogging about my dreams... that's just lame, but I feel I have to with this one.


I was on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Conan: Our first guest tonight is the star of an upcoming movie. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Ryan Templeman.

I enter as the crowd claps politely.

Conan: Welcome to the show.

Ryan: Thanks for having me. How's the new late night treating you?

Conan: I thought I would ask the questions, but okay... this show sucks. It is slowly eating me alive. And I cry myself to sleep every night... on a bed full of money. [Evil Laugh that turns to a cry and then a sigh]. So I've been looking forward to chatting with you ever since I found out you were coming on the show... fifteen minutes ago. So apparently you're psychic?

Ryan: I suppose a little bit, though I've yet to figure out how to use my power for evil.

Conan: No really, a couple years ago you wrote a blog about this very encounter.

Ryan: It's not nearly as interesting as it sounds. Just goofing around I wrote about being on your show.

Conan: How long ago?

Ryan: It was awhile ago. Maybe...

Conan: Wait. I feel like we need some creepy music. Can I get some creepy music?

the music from 'In the Year 2000' begins to play.

Conan: Excellent. Please continue.

Ryan: So I wrote a dialog between myself and you and posted it on my blog.

Conan: I actually have a copy of that dialog you wrote here. Do you mind if I read it?

I smile, try to look hesitant, and quickly oblige the cheering audience.
Conan reads the dialog [that you're reading now] aloud.

Conan: Wow. That's fascinating stuff. And you know what else is fascinating? The new movie your in. See how I did that transition. I'm a legend. That's why I get paid the 'beaucoup' bucks. [Evil Laugh that turns to a cry and then a sigh]. Alright so I understand we have a clip from your new movie. You wanna set it up for us.

Ryan: No thanks.

Conan laughs.

Ryan: It's self-explanatory.

Conan: Alright let's run the clip.

A clip of some movie plays.

Conan: And there you have it. Ryan thanks for being on the show.

Ryan: Thank you.

Conan: Go see this movie. We'll be right back with Parker Posey.

Ryan: I love Parker Posey. Mind if I stick around? I'll behave.

Conan: You have my permission, but just remember, She is mine!

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So there it is. Hopefully now you can see why I felt like I needed to blog this.

New Year, New Blog

I'm offically launching my new blog project. It is essentially a number of short scene and monologues I've written. Fear not, I will keep this one in order to vent and post life updates.


Please check it out http://scenesational.blogspot.com/
If you enjoy it-- I'd appreciate a plug.


Speaking of plugs, here's a link to a blog I just recently discovered.
http://myregisblog.blogspot.com/
If you're well versed in the Mormon culture, it's a good laugh. Enjoy!

The Auditioner

The Auditioner - watch more funny videos

Very funny and sadly very accurate.
Being an actor is so glamorous.

Great job Kate!

It's a Disease

So I was watching What it Takes on Reelz channel the other day-- for those of you not familiar with the program, each episode is essentially the biography of an actor's life and how they got to where they are today. This particular episode was about Billy Bob Thorton-- I think, anyway it doesn't matter. Some of the episodes are mildly interesting, but there are two things that kind of make me crazy.
1. Every episode ends with some writer from Variety or People Magazine or Entertainment Weekly saying, "[insert name here] is one of the most acclaimed actors in the business"-- Of course they are! That's why you're doing an entire show about them! I know it's a silly little thing, but it makes me nuts.
2. Someone almost without fail will make mention to "The Acting Bug". I don't know where that expression came from (even Wikipedia doesn't know)-- but it sounds awful. It sounds like a disease! Usually the reference is followed by "...then they dropped out of school", "...quit their stable and secure job", "...abandoned any semblance of being a responsible adult"; all because they were bitten by that damned Acting Bug. I kid you not-- it is an epidemic! Thousands and thousands of people: Men, women, and children (sometimes even pets) are bitten by the Acting Bug each year and seemingly begin to throw their lives away to feed the disease. Sadly only a small fraction achieve their own episode on What It Takes; while the others struggle to hold down a steady job. Yet there are some who manage to suppress nearly all the urges-- only to become wildly animated about poor acting in films and television shows, thinking deep down they could have done a better if only they were given a shot. The Acting Bug is a Home-Wrecker, a Career-Killer, a Rebel without a Cause! Stay away, because it will seriously mess you up!

The following is an artists rendition of Thespious Insectas. Common name: Acting Bug.
It can be identified by it's colorful beret and scarf. It is thought to live in dark places-- frequently found on the black curtains of high school theatre stages. Those who encounter this menacing creature should back away slowly, making themselves look as uncultured as possible. If bitten, rinse the area immediately with soap and warm water, avoid auditoriums and movie theatre for at least 48 hours, and promptly join a sports team or club. Thank you.

In the Beginning

I few months back I was asked to write a brief "getting to know you" biography for the monthly newsletter at work. It seemed highly unnecessary, regardless this is what I wrote:

"Ryan Templeman: A Brief History

February 21st, the year of our Lord 1980 at 2:00am: It was chilly Tuesday night in Toronto when Ryan Delmar Templeman was born; tipping the scales at 8 pounds 4 ounces. As with most infants, Ryan quickly mastered the life essentials of sleeping, eating, and just laying around. As he progress into childhood, his intellectual development was principally administered by the public education system, accompanied by a health dose of cable television; primarily The Muppet Show. It was during this time in his life that Ryan decided he wanted to be an actor; his ultimate goal was to eventually be the celebrity host for The Muppet Show, following in the footsteps of other comic actors like Peter Sellars, Steve Martin, and Vincent Price (actually he wasn't very funny at all). Sadly this goal would never be realized as unbeknownst to the seven year Ryan, The Muppet Show had been cancelled 6 years prior. Blissful in his ignorance, he pursued his now unattainable goal. Due to the amazing (though seemingly undocumented) time warp between Canada and the United States , The Muppet Show continued to run until 1991. Ryan was twelve years old by the time the news of The Muppet Show’s cancellation was fully unfolded before him. It was a dark and lonely time. For the next several years Ryan began leading a meaningless life. Moving from place to place, with no direction, and no ambition (not entirely The Muppet Show’s fault, but was definitely the primary instigator). During his high school years he had 8 different places of residence (one being a white 1990 Plymouth Voyager), and attending 3 different high schools. He eventually ended up in Utah in 2001, where he met and married his wife Andrea and had a child, Jefferson Delmar in 2005. In his spare time, Ryan continues to act, recently appearing in High School Musical, Dadnapped, Deep Winter, and 'amazingly' popular local Truth campaign commercials. He is driven by the improbable hope that one day The Muppet Show will be resurrected for one final episode hosted by Ryan Delmar Templeman."

So there it is-- I'm a daydreaming prepubescent 15 year old trapped in a 28 year-old's body. I'm married, have a kid, live in a house, and when I'm not busy with a job I pursue my career in acting and also do a little screenwriting on the side. Currently I'm growing out my patchy facial hair in a despirate attempt to look more like Jim Henson. Although I have been telling people at work I'm not going to shave or cut my hair until a Canadian team wins the Stanley Cup. It's been 14 years, we're about due.