Monday, January 19, 2009

My Nigerian Prince

A few years back there was this widely spoken of email going around about a Nigerian Prince. I always wanted to get that email. There was just something exciting, romantic even about it-- a Nigerian Prince sending me an email. So you can well imagine my surprise when I found this email in my inbox the other day.

It's not from a Prince, it's from a doctor (the second best thing), with connections to Nigeria (from my understanding, one of the most truthworthy places on earth). Apparently my Nigerian friends (I can only assume it's the Prince) have been trying to send me money all this time. Dr. Hassan (who thankfully had my email) contacted me about the failed wire transfers. There is some confusion we apparently need to clear up; someone owes Dr. Hassan $80,000-- I forwarded the email on to my health insurance, so hopefully they'll cover part of it. He is a doctor after all.


Man, I feel real bad for Dr. Hassan-- he is totally getting railroaded: he could lose his job, his wife could go to prison, and he's not getting paid for his work-- all this to help me get the funds my Nigerian Prince is trying to send me. Well I can make this right, I'll I need to do is:
  1. Provide Dr. Hassan a good compensation (my discresion) for his hard work up to this point.
  2. Not contact my Nigerian friends regarding this transaction (easy enough, I don't currently have any).
  3. Stop paying the Central Bank of Nigeria Officers (oops... must be an auto-pay from my checking account).
  4. Set up a U.S foreign account under my name for Mrs. Hassan and deposit the "fair compensation" (yet to be determined).
  5. Endorse (which means 'sign' I think) a TT fund release approval documents so Mrs. Hassan can collect those funds. And finally...
  6. Promise not to contact anyone at the Central Bank of Nigeria regarding Dr. Hassan's involvement in this transaction.

Six simple steps in order to gain the incalculable montary treasure the Pirnce has been trying to send me. I wonder how much it will be? Too much to mention in his email. Don't worry I won't forget about the little people.

This is the first thing I'm buying.


Oh and just cause you're jealous, don't try and tell me this is just a scam. It's way too complicated and complex to be completly made up. Beside Dr. Hassan wouldn't do that to me. He is a man of his word.



From the Desk of Dr. Usman Hassan

GOOD DAY,

RE: THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT SUCCEEDED IN RECEIVING YOUR FUND

After waiting to hear from you or your Nigerian partner for a long time now, I decided to make this direct approach to you as my new resolution in other not to let it be if I have anything in mind against you. I do not know if you have asked yourself why each time the release of this fund is approved, all of a sudden, the payment will be stopped or one problem or the other will come up if you have not asked this question or you do not know, this is an opportunity for me to tell you.

Some time ago, your Nigerian friends, I mean the people that introduced you to the project approached me through my dear wife who work with the Federal Ministry of Finance and requested me to assist them conclude a money transfer deal they had with you. They requested me to assist them by removing the original contractor’s name, company’s name and bank particulars from the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) vetting computer and replacing them with your name and bank details in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this fund.

I agreed on condition that they will pay me US $80,000.00 as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary. I did as agreed and demanded to be paid, but your friends started telling me stories, they even told me you promised to send money to me.

Do you know that up till now, I have not received a single cent from them and have not set my eyes on any of them? Based on their attitude, I decided to stop the fund release movement because I cannot be denied of my right in my own office considering the risk as it might affect my job.. Secondly, I know the source of the funds that you did not execute any contract in Nigeria , although I am the only person privileged to know this information and it is a fact. Why I am making this clear to you is that I can see that you are still making efforts in order to conclude this project. Now I am ready to forget the past.

I do not need the US $80.000.00 any longer from you but a good compensation from your mind. I need your assurance that those colleagues will be totally kept out of this transaction. I know that none of them is aware of my new approach to you. Stop spending your money unnecessarily to CBN Officers both here and overseas because you will not receive this money without my hand in it. I personally did the work at the beginning and only I can perform it. Finally,

I need your promise that no official of the Central Bank of Nigeria will be aware of my involvement in this regard because of my position. Now re-assure me that you will be willing to compensate me and that you will assist my wife to establish a foreign account in your country where my compensation will be lodged. Also a TT FUND RELEASE APPROVAL DOCUMENTS will be sent to you for endorsement after which I will remit the money within 48 hours.

I am a man of my word. If you are ready to conclude this business with me, kindly contact me on my so that we can have a chat over this issue once and for all. But if the reverse is the case, do not bother yourself to reach me and forget about this money.

BEST REGARDS
Dr. Usman Hassan
Chair Payment Verification Panel

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